Hello, everyone! I have more free time than I’ll probably ever have again, so here I am, hopefully back on the blogging grind.

The news cycle is kind of obsessed with one thing and one thing only.

Because the world has tunnel vision right now, you’re probably not paying attention to movies (outside of what to binge, in which case I recommend A Quiet Place) so if you haven’t heard of I Still Believe, I don’t blame you.

The film tells the true story of Christian singer Jeremy Camp at the start of his career. Camp, if you don’t know, lost his first wife Melissa to cancer. The film’s title comes from the song of the same name, penned by Camp after her death.

I haven’t seen the movie, but I liked the trailer. It did what a trailer’s supposed to do. As I was watching the trailer, two scenes hit me in the feels. The first shows KJ Apa’s Jeremy hurling a Bible at a wall, and the second has him smashing his guitar.

I’m bringing this up because that level of frustration is where I’ve been for a few weeks now.

OK, you know what? The beer bug is a huge topic, and I’m trying to make this post kinda structured, but it’s not working, so I’m gonna say what I wanna say, and if I lose you, I’m sorry.

First thing: can we admit this is hard? I’ve scrolled past tons of social media posts telling me the spiritual significance of coronavirus’ timing or that my grandparents stormed Normandy, so I can survive a few weeks with Netflix and my thoughts, and I deleted Twitter off my phone because of all the Michael Sandel wannabes and their hot takes about how the coronavirus proves the shortcomings of capitalism. (Not saying I disagree with them. One word: OVEREXPOSURE.)

But among all the politics and the social media sermons and the memes and the bucket lists of things that will be done once quarantine lifts, one opinion that’s been overshadowed? THIS. IS. DIFFICULT. In every way.

For me, I’ve been looking for someone to be mad at. The problem is, that list is constantly growing. I could be mad at:

• the Chinese government for actively obstructing early efforts against coronavirus, and showing themselves to be truly despicable in expecting gratefulness for their minimal efforts of containing the virus, at the expense of the real heroes.
• the American government, for its similarly slow and denying response to the coronavirus, attempting to stoke racism against Asian-Americans to take focus off of their own failures, and their agonizingly slow (or outright exploitative) moves to help American citizens.
• big businesses, for prioritizing the financial gain to be got from continuing business with China over preventing the spread of a super virus.
• bigots, for proving even in the face of a global pandemic kindness to people who don’t look like them are something they’re incapable of.
• whatever idiot tourist thought fried bat wings sounded like they would hit the spot.
• clickbait culture, because seriously, after all the hand-wringing about SARS, swine flu, ebola, the Zika virus, and Triple E, who was going to take another supposed super virus seriously?
• the stay-at-home protesters, for making the sacrifices of doctors and everyone social distancing pointless because God forbid they cut their own hair or cook their own food.
• anyone who’s circulating conspiracy theories or calling the coronavirus a “hoax” or “fake news.” Special mention goes to these goobers and the wart on humanity’s butt known as Jacob Wohl.
• anybody price-gouging right now, or hogging resources.
• myself, because I kept saying this was gonna blow over and I had to jinx it.

Once I concluded that trying to find someone to blame for the pandemic was a pointless endeavor, my next question to God was: “Why?” Why all this pointless suffering? Why are people dying, and more importantly, why is this virus so dangerous that gathering to bury them is a health risk? Why are the hard-working citizens of the workforce being left to fend for themselves while the fat cats are swimming in money? Why are high school and college seniors all across the globe having the biggest accomplishment of their lives yanked out from under their noses? Why are governments around the world seeming to compete for who can have the least competent response, and why is my country of residence winning? Why are all the prayers not doing anything?

And I’ve gotten no answer.

I’m fairly certain God invented the frustrating silence.

Which brings us back to that throw-a-Bible, smash-a-guitar feeling. More specifically, that pull-your-hair-out slap in the face of a realization that causes it: that sometimes, what we pray for isn’t God’s will.

Which leads into the even harder realization: if what we’re praying for isn’t God’s will, then God is going to make something good out of this.

And in fact, he is. One other thing lost in the whirlwind of social media negativity? Good news during this tumultuous time.

So, to counterbalance my ‘who to blame’ list, a ‘good things that have happened, coronavirus-related or otherwise’ list:

• New Zealand is proving that there are countries capable of electing officials who prioritize their citizens over their party’s interests, and have eliminated coronavirus as a direct result of said officials.
• With reduced human activity, nature is making a comeback. The viral story you might have seen about dolphins in Venetian waters was ultimately a hoax, but Los Angeles having the cleanest air it’s had in decades isn’t.
• As of Friday May 9, New York, the US state hit hardest by coronavirus, is seeing a drop in cases, and Hawaii had its first day without new cases.
• If streaming isn’t your thing, no worries, because all your favorite shows and their mothers are having cast reunions.
• Companies have been putting mountains of effort into finding a successful coronavirus vaccine, and multiple companies on multiple continents are starting trials for coronavirus vaccines. Obviously, we should keep our fingers crossed, as these companies are trying to complete a years-long process in a few months, but good news is good news.
• The elderly are one of the groups most vulnerable to coronavirus, and yet numerous octo-, nona-, and centenarians have made full recoveries from coronavirus.
• The Mitten is offering a big thank you to essential workers in the form of free college.
• The country of Ireland are repaying a 170-year-old debt to the Choctaw Native American tribe by donating $1.8 million towards food, water, and supplies for Navajo and Hopi tribes.
• And here are some random feel-good stories to lift your spirits in these depressing times.

I’m not writing this in a vacuum. My knowing that God is going to make something good out of this doesn’t mean I’m not sad about the state of the world and that my life is on pause until further notice. No number of blog posts will make cabin fever not real. I can’t see an end in sight.

But you know what?

Even when I don’t see, I still believe.